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Cantor Needs Phobia Treatment

by: Elaine in Roanoke

Fri Mar 26, 2010 at 21:19:18 PM EDT

I have decided that the best way to be able to stomach Ken Cuccinelli and Eric Cantor is to expose them to the healing powers of satire and parody. So, here goes....

Poor Eric Cantor (R-7th). He is soooo afraid. He can't stand his own shadow. He told us just a day or so ago how scared he was, how someone had shot into his Richmond office, and he was also scared because he is Jewish. Now, the Richmond police inform us that the shot fired into a downtown building containing an office occasionally used by Rep. Eric Cantor was "a stray bullet from random gunfire."

A bullet on a downward track broke a front windowpane in a building at 25 E. Main Street on  Tuesday, police said. There is no sign identifying the building as a campaign headquarters for Cantor. In fact, the office is only occasionally used by Cantor or his staff and is not even listed on his website as one of his offices.

I actually think that Little Eric suffers from "Demophobia." This mental affliction is highly contagious among GOPers and Tea Pots. They see a liberal conspiracy around every corner. They confuse fascism, socialism and communism, but they are sure - somehow - that the BIG, BAD Democrats are all three at the same time.

Plus, according to frightened little Eric, we "evil" Democrats are so mean that we stir up all the the "good" Americans and then "force" them to write us obscene emails, to scream and spit at us, to hurl epithets at us, to commit vandalism at our homes and offices. We are that B...A...D..., according to Little Eric.

I want Eric to know that therapists do have treatments for phobias like the one he suffers from. Some are described below.

Elaine in Roanoke :: Cantor Needs Phobia Treatment
One common therapy is the use of virtual reality or imagery exercises to "desensitize" the patient. Perhaps Cantor should start visualizing himself attending his local Democratic committee meetings, shaking hands with those across the aisle, repeating over and over, "I don't fear Democrats. I like them!"

Or, he could imagine himself with the President and Rahm Emanuel, happily watching a good basketball game and downing a cool one.

Cognitive behavioral therapy might help. Cognitive behavioral therapy lets the patient understand his cycle of negative thought patterns and provides ways to change these thought patterns. CBT may be conducted in a group setting. Gradual desensitization treatment and CBT are often successful, provided the patient is willing to endure some discomfort as he confronts his delusions.

Using CBT, Cantor could join a group of ex-wingnuts and discuss why his world view is so distorted and so wrong. The latest person to be cured of a like delusion is David Frum, former speech writer for George W. Bush, who found himself fired as a fellow at the American Enterprise Institute because he dared to say that the GOP made a terrible mistake - their "Waterloo." he said - by opposing all of the health reform bill. Perhaps Frum would be available for Little Eric's group, now that he is unemployed.

Hypnotherapy coupled with neuro-linguistic programming can also be used to help remove the associations that trigger a phobic reaction. That treatment would mean that Cantor would have himself hypnotized, and then the therapist would convince Cantor that the beliefs he has about Democrats are delusional:

"Eric, Democrats are not the Great Satan."
"Eric, health reform will not turn this nation into the former Soviet Union. It is a good thing."
"Eric, Barack Obama and Adolph Hitler have absolutely nothing in common."
"Eric, liberals are your friends. They won't hurt you."
"Eric, God love liberals and so should you."

However he tries to get himself cured, Eric Cantor will find that life without his irrational fear of Democrats and progress will be liberating. He just has to reach deep down within himself and get the courage to face his phobia.

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